The Way I Loved You
by AJarOfDirt
Summary: He's absolutely perfect for me; Mr Right, in the flesh. And yet there are still some things I feel are left unfinished and my life can't end that way. I still miss you. *RHr, implied VKHG*


"Herm-own-ninny, dear, is something vrong?" It's the third time he's asked me that question. I'm not by any means offended or irritated by it; I quite like being doted on by a loving…gosh I really hate using that word; a loving _boyfriend_. Goodness, it makes me feel like I'm placed up on some pedestal for men or something; like a prize. The feminist in me screams and scolds the dark truth.

Nevertheless, I can't deny it, can I? He _is_ my boyfriend, and a pretty damn good one at that. Much better than Ron had ever been…

"Oh, it's nothing, Viktor. I'm just thinking about something."

_**He is sensible and so incredible  
And all my single friends are jealous**_

He takes my hand in his as we continue to walk down the sidewalk. He'd just taken me out to a lovely dinner in the hearth of London, at my request even! Viktor has never been fond of Muggle streets and roads and he always gets lost. Whenever he tries to pay money, he has to have me count it first to make sure it's the right amount he has in his hand. But he never complains about it. He's the sweetest person I've honestly ever dated.

If Christine and Amanda squeal one more time about how wonderful he is, though, I might explode. It isn't enough that they have to fawn over and flirt with him even when I'm around, their constant obsessive repartee about him didn't half drive me insane.

"Hermione, you should be thrilled!" Christine had once told me. "You're not only dating someone strong and handsome and sensible…"

"But you're also dating a sportsman!" Amanda had cut in. "A celebrity! You're such a lucky girl."

I'll admit to liking the fact that I'm not dating a bum on the street and honestly, the attention is quite lovely. Of course, Christine and Amanda, Muggles that they are, don't know the actual sport Viktor participates in; it would completely baffle them to describe Quidditch, so I never bothered to. Besides, they don't even know of my ability to use magic, so it would be most unwise to discuss anything from the wizarding community to them.

"Well, stop doing that," Viktor says playfully. "You are making me vorry." He gives my hand a small squeeze.

_**He says everything I need to hear and it's like  
I couldn't ask for anything better**_

It's just so hard to find men these days with the decency of actually caring for the women they date. You know, the men who actually treat the girls like they're people too. They're a definite minority. People like Ron Weasley, however, the jerks who regard females as objects, are rampant and fully make me sick.

_**He opens up my door and I get into his car  
And he says, "You look beautiful tonight."**_

"Thank you, Viktor," I smile at him as he helped me into the car and shut the door behind me. I settle into the plush leather seat and beam at him as he enters on the driver's side. How he managed to learn driving in just a few months stuns me. I've even considered that he's done something illegal to get his license, but his driving skills are up to par indeed. He never worries me when he gets behind the wheel of any vehicle.

"I only speak the truth, Herm-own-ninny," Viktor takes my hand and kisses the top of it. "And the truth is that you shine brighter than sun tonight vith your beauty."

How cheesy of him! But I shake it off with a laugh anyway; rather being cheesy than behaving like a prick, I suppose.

_**And I feel perfectly fine**_

* * *

Thunder claps as the lightning flashes in the dead of night. I cannot go to sleep at this rate. I'd always been afraid of thunderstorms, particularly big strong ones like this. When you are nineteen and still terrified of storms, you should be ashamed of yourself; at least, I know I am. I feel like a little girl all over again.

It had started drizzling right after Viktor dropped me off home and it only begun to be such a downpour when I was having my evening bath.

I sit in bed, wrapped up in my quilt and blankets, as I shiver. It's cold every time it rains in November. I wish it was summer again and I could be out on long walks and sitting under the sun drinking lemonade…

That reminds me of the Burrow, actually. The fresh grass had a scent in the summer and the inside of the house always smelt woody like parchment to me. And the smell of his hair…

_**But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain**_

I wonder…

I flip on the light, get up from my place and knelt, reaching under the bed and carefully dragging a box out. I open it and picked up a small vial. It is filled with a small dose of a distinct potion in the shade of mother-of-pearl. I slowly uncork the vial and lift it to my nose, sniffing it. It's still the same fragrance…

_**And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name**_

"Damn you, Ronald," I feel tears well up in my eyes as I angrily stared at the wall opposite me.

_**You're so in love that you act insane  
And that's the way I loved you**_

"This is all your fault. You're so stupid. Why'd you have to end it?"

I continue to silently denounce him, until I could not say any more, feeling my hands ball up into fists as I let the tears go streaking down my cheeks, leaving lines of their presence as I quake harder.

_**Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kind of rush**_

I remember it raining once during one of the summers I spent at the Burrow. It was a night not unlike tonight; the rain lashed out angrily and heavily, and the wind howled like a wolf. It seemed as though its mission was to uproot every tree possible. Needless to say, I was frightened. That is, I was frightened until Ron knocked on my door, wondering why I had screamed. I still remember his countenance in fact, standing sleepily at my door, telling me to shut up and go back to bed. In the end, he had to come in and sit with me until I fell back to undisturbed sleep.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you**_

He was awkward the next morning, but we never told anybody else of what happened. I think it's partially due to our prideful natures, or the fact that neither of us wanted to seem weak, that we did not speak of it, not even to Harry...

* * *

"Ah, good evening, Viktor!" I hear my father say downstairs. I am supposed to be in my room, preparing for yet another date with the Bulgarian Quidditch Seeker, but I felt restless. So here I am now, crouching at the stairwell. Should I go down? I had asked myself that the past couple of minutes I've been huddled there, however, I concede to simply listening. I knew they would not be able to get a glimpse of me from where they stood even if they tried to, and therefore I sit myself on the carpet and press my ear against the gap in the staircase railings.

_**He respects my space****  
And never makes me wait  
And he calls exactly when he says he will**_

"Hermione said you wouldn't be here until seven," my father continues.

"Vell, I didn't want to keep her vaiting," Viktor's thick Bulgarian accent replies.

"Do you want me to go and fetch her?" this was my mother speaking; she was always one for punctuality and she never liked it when I took my time to get ready anyway. I roll my eyes.

"Oh, it is all right, I can vait for her here. That way I can have a nice chat with you folks! So how is the clinic holding up?" Viktor asks.

_**He's close to my mother  
Talks business with my father**_

"It's been great, actually, so kind of you to ask! We've had a lot of business. I mean, it's not so good that children keep forgetting to brush their teeth and floss and everything, but it brings the money in here!" Dad laughs heartily. "We've installed some new equipment there, and hired some new staff too! It doesn't even seem like the clinic it was a few months ago. It's especially good that Hermione's able to help us out these days now that she's finished with school. We used to always have to use the school holidays to bring her on holiday in order to spend time with her, you know. But these days, it doesn't matter; she has no excuse but to help out!"

I hear more jovial laughter and feel a smile creep over my face. I then hear Mum speaking.

"Now, I can see why she likes you, Viktor. You're _such_ a gentleman! She's incredibly lucky to find a man like you," I can even hear the grin in her voice.

"Oh, don't say that…" There he goes, always-modest Viktor. I feel a small giggle escape my lips.

_**He's charming and endearing  
And I'm comfortable**_

She's right, though. I _am_ lucky. I've never felt so blessed my entire life. Conversely, there's still that part of me that questions this newfound perfection in my life. I am simply not used to being with someone who is so…for the lack of a better word, ideal. Indeed, he's the boyfriend every girl wishes to have; he's courteous, charismatic, and positively delightful company. Purely hearing his laughter mingle with my parents' sends shivers up my spine at this revelation.

I get up from my spot and return to my room, putting on the finishing touches of my makeup and adjusting the dress I have on. It's amazing to think how much I've grown up since I was a young girl; from the eleven-year-old creature I was with uncontrollable hair to the nineteen-year-old I am today with poise and grace, it's indeed difficult to imagine the journey I went on to find myself. I can only think of him and what he's done for me…

_**He can't see the smile I'm faking**_

"Hello Viktor!" I exclaim, pretending to be surprised that he is here early.

"Oh, there you are, Hermione, dear," my mother reprimands, rushing over to try to fix my dress for me; sometimes I think she still thinks I'm a young girl in need to help all the time. "I was going to go up to call you down. You shouldn't be keeping Viktor waiting."

"_I know_, Mum," I reply exasperatedly, although I give her a kiss on the cheek all the same. I'm used to her little lectures about absolutely everything. She's such a perfectionist and I think that's where I get my streak from.

"Ready?" Viktor asks me, extending his arm to me. I take it and smile my response.

_**And my heart's not breaking  
Because I'm not feeling anything at all**_

I suddenly feel like that smile meant nothing to me. Was I _truly_ grateful at his civility? A small image of a gangly redhead tripping over his feet and spitting food at me popped in my brain and I nearly hit myself at the very thought. _Of course_ I was grateful! How could I not be, when I have Mr Right?

I let Viktor escort me to his car once more and as I take to the passenger seat, I felt a sick feeling well up in my stomach.

Merlin, why did I go dig up that damned love potion?

_**And you were wild and crazy  
Just so frustrating, intoxicating**_

It made me remember so much; too much in fact! I'm supposed to be living my life differently. Gone are the days of skulking around corridors avoiding Filch; gone are the days of sitting together in the Great Hall, eating and talking and sometimes scolding; gone are the days when it was Harry, Ron and Hermione, the Golden Trio. It's because we can never be such anymore, not since Harry's death in his battle against Voldemort. He got rid of the evil that was in everybody's lives, but it took too much of him as well.

Then Ron and I started fighting a lot and we said things we never meant. I left the winter following Harry's spring death.

_**Complicated, got away by some mistake and now  
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain  
It's 2am and I'm cursing your name**_

_Damn you, Ron… Merlin, damn you!_

I feel my eyes well up again, and as much as I try to conceal it, Viktor sees me. He's suddenly alarmed and asks me what the matter is. I cannot tell him; I cannot tell him that I'm thinking of somebody else in this way. Was it like adultery? I would never know.

Viktor has his arm gently around my shoulder as I burst into irrepressible sobs. As much as I wish to tell him – to admit to him – of my unfaithfulness, I still can't. All I tell him is that I desire to go home.

I'm relieved when he dropped the topic, acquiescing to my request. I thank him through my string of soft whimpers and that's all I manage to do.

_**I'm so in love that I acted insane  
And that's the way I loved you**_

_I can't believe I let you go, Ron. I'm so sorry._

I didn't say or do much as Viktor pulled up in front of my house. I only thank him again as I get out, rushing through the door, up the stairs and into my room, slamming the door shut and locking it.

Once inside, I let go completely. My legs give out under me and I let out a pain-filled cry. I am soon wailing and my parents were outside my room within seconds, knocking furiously and begging me to come back out. I can't.

_**Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller coaster kind of rush**_

It feels good to cry so much. It actually feels good to hurt for once. I suddenly realise that it has been nearly three years since I had truly felt a thing.

_**And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you**_

Therefore, I thank you, Ron. For once, I'm grateful you were a prick.

* * *

**A/N:** This was just a little brain fart that I had floating around while listening to a song off Taylor Swift's album _Fearless_. I quite like the song and realised I could draw parallels with Harry Potter, blah blah blah…you know what I mean, right? :) This is self-beta-ed, so if you find any errors in the manuscript, feel free to tell me about them and I'll correct them ASAP!

I'm sorry that I made Harry die =/ I didn't want to, but it brings in the drama, y'know. *sigh* And two OC names stuck in there as Muggle friends of Hermione's, but they're not very very important to the narrative.

The song, _The Way I Loved You_, is copyrighted to Taylor Swift, Big Machine Records, etc. and I don't own the Harry Potter series; JK Rowling does.


End file.
